Sunday, March 14, 2010



“I am dying”,I whispered to myself.

“God loves thee for living this way”, The Preacher had foretold.

“No, Not dying but conjoining with God” I corrected.

“Alas , you are all mistaken”, God whispered alone to me


The veil surrounding me suddenly collapsed as i lay down in my own pool of blood. I tried to get up and adjust to the new surroundings but my body refused to do it. I could see the soldiers hurtling towards me in slow motion when life played a movie for me to watch; the last one it is, i decided to watch it. The fields, the maidens and the kids ran past me and then came the beliefs and decisions in my life. I could see a dark vortex growing in one side of the screen and every image that shot across my mind were thrown into the huge pool of darkness. The soldier knocked me out and God whispered the words to me. Alas, I could tell no one the truth !

I had been an inquisitive man. Questions zoomed past me in these tense moments and i jotted them down mentally..Why did God have to keep making changes to life of men and see them writhe in agony as well as laugh in joy alternately. Why doesn’t a happy man stay happy always and a sad man stay like that forever. Won’t there be a balance then and wouldn’t there be a full-stop to this craziness in the world -Won’t people be content with themselves then and stop meddling in others business ?

I am suddenly having radical thoughts. I was fine before but please do not ask me when. My mind is too tired to reminisce when. All i can try now is to recount some of the incidents so that you too would understand the deprivation i am facing now. I could remember vaguely that i too was happy once, I could remember huge meadows, friendly playmates and long playtimes but that was too far back.  Thinking about it itself makes my heart sick and long for the dark solitude place that was growing so that i could be by myself and teleport myself to such realms. I would see a village with maidens filling water in their clay pots and see young kids playing around these maidens throwing small pebbles at each other and making faces at each other. Kids could be seen playing in the stream and the fields, Farmers can be seen chasing away the kids from the orchids who come in search of ripe fruits. However cherished these realms are, I was unable to teleport myself there because I had a duty to perform.

How does this world care for one person? Isn’t always a plural more powerful than an individual. Ahaa,No. God has designed the world for every one of his creation and it is not that every one of his creations are sacrificed for his sake. I am called a terrorist by some, a jihadist by others, a fanatic by some others and also heretics by some, but chosen ones have always learned that no matter who is by your side, God is !! While we see that plural gets more weightage than singular when it comes to negative circumstances like fifty people have died due to a bomb blast, singular gains precedence in positive scenarios like Edmund Hillary- first man to peak Mt.Everest (Even though he was with Norgay, Norgay was sidelined by Edmund because Edmund understood human psychology). Likewise, I have been selected singularly by the Gods to uphold their honor.



The terrorist died not alone, but amidst a battalion of soldiers. He was declared a heretic, a terrorist, a fanatic by the state but God took him into his arms as the terrorist realized the working of the world and regretted that he couldn’t share his newly found wisdom with the world. The World was not decided based on God’s laws, It is based on Man’s superior thinking. While there were no other species as dominant in the world as the human being, it is natural that his enemy remains himself. His wisdom, his craftiness is reflected in the world through butterfly effect or chaos theory. Alas, only if Eve didn’t insist on having the apple.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


“I had written this entry when i was in third year of college; Found it while browsing through files in my computer,,, Read and Enjoy !!

I found it missing once again when I needed it the most. I was in dire need of courage, which was lacking with me at the moment. I found with me a lack of faith that I definitely needed to surpass the mountain of worry which was piling on front of me. The situation on front of me was tense and everything slowly became less familiar and soon blacked out.I woke up much later as a wiser and experienced man.

I was standing on the podium with several other participants, watching the crowd cheering on us. Everyone was giving their best encouragement possible. The crowd settled quickly and the microphone was given to the host. The host welcomed everyone to the auditorium and bid the participants good luck. I was really flustered at the moment for the situation was intense and the silence was simply electrifying. The participants could be seen expressing their anxiety by either biting their nails or rubbing their hands together. The host slowly and smoothly came down and introduced the jury for the event. The competition was ready to start and the participants were asked to begin. I took the opportunity to make an impression and opened my account with a quote by a famous historian and slowly ate my way into the topic. I abstained from too many details and simply made the base for future discussions.

Mr.Srinivasan, I heard the calling of my name incessantly .I turned back to see a young balding man of late twenties, one of the quieter hosts, calling me. He rushed up to me and told that he was sorry for everything that happened. I simply put on a grimace and left the scene quietly. I reached home late that night after having a few swigs of alcohol, I reclined on the arm chair that I had recently purchased and thought about the proceedings of the day. “What a day?”, I grumbled repeatedly to myself and slowly dozed off.

It was about 6am when my daily alarm started buzzing. I snoozed till 6:30 and then completed my morning chores. The whole scenario came streaming on to me along with tears for I knew this was a performance I could never forget. I could visualize the remarkable start that I provided to the discussion and the repercussions of it. The discussion was going on fine until a red-haired guy had disrupted the discussion. The discussion which was moving smoothly suddenly became inchoate and everyone started to blaspheme each other’s views and the topic soon went out of hand. There were several attempts for amending that but the limit had been reached. I was thoroughly disgusted by the happenings as I was touted to win and even grimaced at the organizer of the “Brain-watch” contest.

Being a management consultant was a difficult task for a person who had a dream of being a top notch orator. I worked throughout the day with my clients and advised them on their projects and the nights were duly spent on this dream. I spent about four hours daily reading on philosophy and other abstract topics to develop my thinking. I spent up all my free time and money on better and effective methods to communicate with the people. I started small with participations at major conferences and conclaves where orators and politicians from different parts of the world talked on various topics. The topic had never concerted me at any point but the speaker had always did. It is said that the orator is a person who perseveres in not communicating facts but in sharing interest. Slowly I started presenting at conclaves and after few stutters I went on to become one of the familiar and yearning figures in major conclaves. I travelled around the globe and added awards from major conferences and conclaves to my name when I finally heard of “Brain-Watch”. Brain-Watch was organized by Harvard University in association with American Writer’s Guild. It was considered to be one of the prestigious events in the literary and management sector. I grew passionate about this competition and applied almost immediately. I started persevering almost immediately for this and soon became nostalgic about the world. I stopped working for awhile and concentrated my efforts for the cause. I cleared the preliminary rounds with ease and moved on to the forthcoming rounds. Slowly, the mass decocted and only us connoisseurs remained. Again, several rounds saw the elimination of interesting, yet palpable personalities. Finally, only few remained and we were considered to be the elite among the literary world.

We were publicized among the literary world and the winner was to be entitled to a small fortune but money hadn’t really appealed to me; it was the title of “Churchill’s Successor”. I worked hard and savored the beauty of the tense position that I would be faced during the final discussion. “That would be the most inspiring oration that I will ever present”, I thought and smiled at my own confidence. I mentally imagined myself being conferred the title that the entire literary world craved at the moment and took an oath to win it at any cost.

The grand finale was to be taking place on the grandest hotel in the city of Boston. We were ushered into a room and were left alone for some time. We were just socializing among ourselves when the host welcomed us to the podium. We sat in the room to face a million people and a thousand national cameras recording our every reaction. That was when the red-haired man sitting on the edge of the room disrupted the discussion and everything went into chaos.

Sorrow and grief seemed to engulf me completely after this incident and soon I was too morose to do anything. I lost all faith and felt like I was destined to be doomed. It was at this instant that strange and foreign ideas engulfed me and I was forced to reminisce about the dark past that I thought would never reappear to haunt me. I remembered the first time I found it missing when I needed it the most. I remembered my graduation day with its grandeurs and horrors. It was on that spiteful day that I was unexpectedly called upon stage to deliver an oration in front of the press and my fellow students where I faltered and broke down. I lost my courage and became depressed. However time, being a slow healer saw me through it. I came back with a thirst to become one of the best orators of all time. The drive to this dream was constantly fueled by the occasional failures and my will to succeed.

I write this story today as the management executive of a major food processing organization to tell everyone that success is how one perceives it. If I had won that day, I would have definitely been successful and become a top notch orator but then would my interests be fueled by some other thirst to win, that I am uncertain of. However, today I am successful on different terms because I thought of a change to management. That change could have been the right decision as life is full of changes or maybe I should have persevered a little more as perseverance is the road to success. That I do not know nor care for it is the decision that has shaped my life.